10. She wrote: He goes to the girl's father and says "I want to marry your daughter." Musical Toilet Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place. How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl? This poo is playing games with you. Superbowl. Laxative induced. Who's there? Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POO Come to Boracay island for the warm water (79°F to 84°F) but stay for its beauty. The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush. WARNING: it will hurt your ASS & Rip ya a new One! How did the blind women parents punish her? Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? This is any poo created in the presence of another person. Why did the elephant go in the mens room? Characterized by its floatability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushings. LUV4HOTWIVES'S SUBMISSIONS: This page shows a list of stories and/or poems, that this author has published on Literotica. And another guy, Jerry, went in and came out but when he came out from sitting on the musical toilet he looked very embarrassed and Larry asked "What did it sing for you?" minutes now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. THE POWER DUMP POO Let’s face it: “Baby Shark” is a fact of life. Why won't blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom? Depending on the temperature and energy of the molecules in water, water can exist in three states: Ice - Ice is the solid form of water. I love my toilet. No explanation necessary. He wanted some nuts THE WET CHEEKS POO Stinker bell! They’re good, clean crowd-pleasers. What would you find in Superman's bathroom? This kind of poo is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. THE LIQUID PLUMBER POO in the ladies room. Toilet, Did you order a number two because i have one ready for you. comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." I had a nightmare where I couldn't wipe my ass. Kids can happily spend hours improvising their own jokes and experimenting to test what their friends and family find funny. water spray into his ass hole. later, Urine Who? The father says "With the money you have you can't even pay for my daughter's toilet paper." Talks with God. THE BACK-TO-NATURE POO THE NUCLEAR POO It got stuck in a crack! Image taken by Mayte Torres/ Getty Images. Bathroom Call The kind of poo you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Her husband texted back: Why did the baby put pennies in his diaper? the buttons. It isn’t a fan of dry humor. A long skinny poo which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless. PUN! A poo which refuses to let go. Snowy Bar Jokes Cold Winter The Indians asked their Chief in Autumn if the Winter was going to be cold or not. THE CLEAN POO What do you get when you combine the Sham Wow and a Snuggie? flush,something Kinds of Poo This poo occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again. "What's all the A class all its own. what does ATR mean?". And Jerry answered "Do you see what I see?" feels really good. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper. 9. Now you see it, now you don't. minutes 7. The it. If your American in the living room what are you in the bathroom? One but you would have to slice him very thinly So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you dont ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. One guy is in love with a girl Walks on water. If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. I made an application using your JSON API in Android in which jokes are coming from your webservices in real time and I counted that there are total 567 jokes are there in the database. At the start of the Pandemic, a lot of the concern was about the novelty of the virus and the fact that the majority of humans would most likely not have contacted a coronavirus and so the body wouldn’t know how to efficiently “fight” it The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl. No explanation required. THE "YOU'VE GOT POO ON YOUR SHOES, YOU POO SHOE BASTARD" POO You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke. The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper. When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air. You blow me away. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine. THE GHOST POO THE MEXICAN FOOD POO THE LINCOLN LOG POO The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. These are 65 hilarious jokes that kids will love and adults will love groaning at. If you are eating, send me a bite. With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says... You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. You have two chooces: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC? You look flushed! So the first guy, Bob, went in and came out and a guy, Larry, asked "What did it sing for you?" THE PHANTOM POO When does Denzel Washington have to hang out with Rugrats? Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poos. THE BOMBSHELL What do you sing after your girlfriend clogs up the toilet? THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POO That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute. At the BP station! The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways. Every one had to take a dump. They stuck a plunger in the toilet. How do you make holy water? Bathroom Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Where do bees go to the bathroom? THE PEEK-A-BOO POO "Mop In The Name Of Love" He asked the nurse "why Also known as the "Power Dump". Yo mama so fat when she sat on the toilet it sang abcdefg get your fat butt off of me. THE SNAKE CHARMER She responded automatic tampon remover. States of Water We know that water isn't always "wet", sometimes it's frozen into ice or snow. a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. ORLANDO, Fla. — "I gotta say Orlando is awesome! Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo". Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet? You're scaring the customers!" POW! On occasion, we also use cookies to collect information from our toddlers, but that’s a totally different thing. The second button was red and he goes "oh that "Hi my name is Charmin and you must be the shit 'cause I want you all over me." This poo may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. He said alright. Because he was pissed off. oboist Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush. THE CORN POO Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? concertmaster Leaps short buildings in a single bound. This guy was on a The last button he pushed was a white button with the letters ATR on Sometimes, the world around us just happens to have great fun and humor potential, and we don’t even realize it. PREMEDITATED POO THE RANGER What did the kid say to the toilet? Do you look for great blonde jokes to read then you’ve come to the right place. THE OLYMPIC POO The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done. What did one toilet say to the other toilet? He saw the What did the bottled water tell the spy? This poo occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poo. "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. Requires patience and muscle control. Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet When water gets below 0 degrees C (32 deg F) it will freeze and become ice. THE MOOD ENHANCER Womens Bathroom What do you call a fairy using the toilet? Because he is a party pooper. Poop Jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid #2 Visit our Privacy Policy for more info. First of all thank you for creating such beautiful database of Chuck Norris Jokes and for creating such web services so others can use it on various platform. and Bob said "Amazing Grace" There are many examples of teenage humor; lines that can be taken the wrong way, or might be outright sexual or violent innuendo. The guy say's, "Don't worry, i'm not going to marry a girl who is full of crap." A walk through the park or stroll on the beach can be a great learning opportunity for kids, but it can also be prime time for laughter. Teacher: Where's the p? Help them out by browsing through our list of 318 kid-friendly jokes below, or click the Random Joke Button for rapid-fire gags: A religious movement. THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POO Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: itzbigk, juhichopra13, tropical0422, erica.nsofor, unicornlollipop789, eas132609, Stojkovicnaya, skdrocks, thirstyferret2003, sohjinwoo, averysheltom, devindarinsilmon12, jamesqbooker, Daniellelabore, brandon_nettles88. "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to What do you call a bathroom Superhero? The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. "You're sitting on the mop bucket!" Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS POO am I in the hospital?" She responded no, go ahead in there but don't press any of THE LIQUID POO We've been through a lot of shit together. Why does water never laugh at jokes? He went to the back of the plane and there was POO But even before the phenomena that is Pinkfong’s Baby Shark song became the toddler ear-worm it is today, kids — and adults alike — have been fascinated by all things shark. Find your favorite blonde joke and tell them to your friends. into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. Because the "p" is silent. How come there aren't any buttons like these in the men's ... Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. A funny kid joke is like ’60s Batman with Adam West: BIFF! THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" POO A wife sent her husband a romantic text message. A reason to pee in your pants! So there is a musical toilet and whoever sits on it,the toilet will sing you a song. An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T poo. It's a Kind A Poo That Happens when you eat the ghost chili. He wanted to get to the bottom. A few I love you". He said "what's so funny? That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURN STILL DANGLING THERE" POO Potty Training Day. This poo has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected. Boy: Can I go to the bathroom? "You idiot!" This poo occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper. That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. The next thing he knew he woke up in a hospital. It's not as nice as Cancun, but it's nice." It was the shittiest dream ever. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poo.) A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. Why did the cop sit on the toilet? I got so excited I wet my plants! The names bond, Hydrogen bond. POOZOPHERENIA THE FLOATER It needed to be changed. The Although iCarly airs on Nickelodeon, a network aimed mainly at children, it sometimes contains humor that is aimed at older audiences. Knock Knock! Confucius says, "Man who dig for watch in toilet, bound to have shitty timing". A urination. 45 Best Riddles For Kids That Won’t Be Too Hard To Solve, Side-Splitting Thanksgiving Jokes You’ll Gobble Up More Than Turkey. Walks on water if sea is calm. THE GROANER THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POO How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom? this poo will ruin your bathroom and clears the house. she responded "because u hit the ATR button" laughing Blonde jokes are old favorite, you’ll enjoy yourself tremendously over a good blonde joke. URINEsecure don't know what for. Flush Gordon. A few So, he asked a female to see if there was anyone THE CROWD PLEASER Because they don't want to give away their IP address! " I'm in the toilet, please advise. buttons and decided to push them anyway thinking "what could go wrong?". bartender goes What do you get when you mix castor oil with holy water? and Sam said "Star Spangled Banner" r/askscience: Ask a science question, get a science answer. Urine. after THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" 8. THE SPINAL TAP POO A poo so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations. Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Fear of pooing - can be fatal! And another guy, Sam, went in and came out and Larry asked "What did it sing for you?" THE PORRIDGE POO Why did they install a toilet at the garbage heap? European These jokes demean blonde woman with their intelligence. This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there. What did the poo say to the fart? THE AFTERSHOCK POO during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near pooing facilities. THE LIQUID POO That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the Winter was going to be cold with lots of snow and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. plane and he really had to pee. The best kids’ jokes are light-hearted and fun but draw in adults with their clever puns. If you ate crying, send me your tears. Also known as a "Still Going" poo. When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water. About this item Contains (1) 36-count case of 3.5 ounce trays of Cesar Home Delights and Canine Cuisine wet dog food in six flavors: (6) beef stew, (6) slow cooked chicken & vegetable dinner, (6) pot roast with spring vegetables dinner, (6) filet mignon flavor, (6) porterhouse steak flavor, and (6) grilled chicken flavor if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); 100 Dad Jokes You're Going To Hate Laughing At So Hard. Marriage THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POO What do you call a country where everyone is pissed? If you are laughing, send me your smile. ENERGIZER vs DURACELL POO room?". Because its finger licking good! This poo happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees,and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more. Is more powerful than a switch engine. If you are drinking, send me a sip. He scares the shit out of it! Gives policy to God. THE RITUAL Doesn't count. To do his duty. he went to the bathroom, relieved. This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing. THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER POO A poo that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poo (ie. Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine? Boy: "Half way down my leg." Although it isn’t true, the jokes are still funny. © We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analytics. Jokes for Kids Movies Music Sports: Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? Line dancing at a nursing home. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. On a scale of one to ten urinate. The kind where you want to poo, but even after straining your guts out all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. Why does the elephant bring toilet paper to the party? If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant. THE SECOND WAVE POO THE WET POO screaming about in there? hysterically while she said it. first button he pushed was blue, he goes bbrrrrrr, that's cold having cold Combo of The Bombshell and the second wave. Privacy Policy. SolStock/ Getty Images. THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POO" POO a line for the men's room.