Her girlfriend came over and had a boob job. But if you feel so opposed to him, there must be something going on and as I've learned in life, you can talk it straight with your brain, but if your heart and gut cringe, something's not right. Do I stay in a loveless, sexless marriage that functions as a platonic partnership, denying both myself and my husband the full satisfaction that we both would like? I've been really exhausted with If you do you are going do great harm. I understood that and let him take her to a hotel on the beach. I believe you can have a marriage without intense chemistry. 1. I think she still loves me and I do love her too. Just the physical release and then leave me be. This is my life at the moment. I am thinking she will be ok at the right time. Then she laid on the bed and he began to rub her back. U get whatever it is u need.. u were wrong for wasting his time but im sure u liked the bennys of a great guy.. its a shame for both of u…just know u cant have ur cake and eat it too…u want him for the perks…but u want ur bad boy too…u cant help who u are…goodluck with all that. I immediatly seen his reaction to her huge ass. I just don’t know why, looks like you have a very sexy intelligent site here. Takes the fun right out of it all . Should we break it off or should I stay & hope that it’ll get better? Did I write this? That it’s not a reflection about how much you love her, it’s just a very common fantasy that turns people on. I feel exactly the same; except mine did cheat on me. I was desperate to be in a relationship. In fact, I feel repulsed and annoyed by him most of the time. If he is feeling good as a result of your actions there is a much higher chance of him reciprocating. I’m with you. I feel the same way! Grass is not greener on the other side I understand that there are adults who have fetishes about breastfeeding, diapering, being a baby and so on, but as adults, it's a fetish. But I don't have the guts to tell him how I feel. The problem might be from him and not you. We have had the hard conversation in which I have asked my husband for the freedom to see other people sexually, since we both acknowledge that our relationship does not work sexually. We won’t take action. Where is the line between fun and damaging to others. I love connecting with him on that level. You asked for another angle so here is one, I think sexual chemistry is very important to get things going but what keeps things going is emotional intimacy which is fucking hard and which sometimes actively works against sexual chemistry (as does fear). I do have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome though, but have had this my whole life and had no sexual issues with previous partners. Bc im so lost.. My fear is that maybe my rape trauma affects me more than I realized and I will never be attracted to someone available that wants me? Susan. My husband was very attracted to me and used to make love to me with his eyes before we would make love while we were dating.. We dated 3 or 4 years before we got married and did everything right. I am in the same situation. My partner would marry me tomorrow, however I’m having doubts because the chemistry is lacking & I would hate to be in a similar position to you all, feeling trapped, wandering eye etc. That was all great until she wanted him again, and again without me. We were grilling by the pool with our friends, my husband busy at the grill and I needed sunscreen on my back. Expand Her Orgasm Tonight Course Overview, "Pin Up" Lingerie, Ear Tonguing, Raging Hardness...[Link Digest], Polarity: How To Increase Your Masculine Energy For Feminine Attraction, Our ‘Sexual Regenerative Procedures’ Trip (Pics! The guilt nearly killed me. That’s interesting. I can barely kiss him anymore, I hate him touching me and resent that he insists sleeping in bed with me because he couldn't sleep in the other bedroom without me. I even found her dog annoying and I am a DOG person. Some things cannot be forced. Blonde, 2. It would break my heart too. I’m in the same situation as you. Conventional wisdom is that 60% of women in the lifestyle are bisexual or are considering it. How are you going?? I have been wanting my wife to do this for quite some time she fantasizes about it all the time but says she would be to nervous to do it to be able to see her being taken by another man is such a turn on, I’m interested…layed back, sensual, strong, with experience and endurance…are you interested…Steve. This had been going on for 8+ years. Your email address will not be published. I will say be thankful that you have realized this earlier on into your marriage- not that it make anything any easier. I figured attraction would fade anyway and wasn't that important. That discovery changed my fragile mind even more – it made me physically ill – and my immediate thought was that I had caused so much angst with this lovely woman that she had changed her values … and that … that realization … is so fucking PAINFUL. I trust you have done some inline research of your own before talking to me about this a mth or better ago and if not you need to . This is not to say he is not a good lover, just that sometimes he's not exactly what I need. He’d make a great husband, fabulous dad I’m sure I’m just not sure if you need that X factor??! To think about her letting go of all her fears f what people might think, or what religious implications it might have. I’m 31 and 7 years younger than him. Lol I work hard, help around the house, and with the kid. There is no attraction between us. He also came inside her which is what I wanted. We made love in front of each other many times and the guys seemed to love watching. Childhood is an experience unmatched by any other phase in life. I often work late just so I don’t have to go home and be around my husband. Your husband is a total imbecile, with SEVERE sexual issues. He looked down at me, naked, stoned, drunk and just been fucked. It really helps to know that we aren’t alone in this and many other women out there are experiencing the same issue. I've never been a fan of the idea that one person needs to fulfil another persons each and every need. Why does it have to be so messy and difficult? Last year we went to visit family and since I am having an emotional and physical affair with someone who was always inlove with me and we always had the best sex and chemistry. Plus, he has supported me through both physical and mental problems in the past, for which I am eternally grateful to him, and I don't have a job right now and will likely never have one that pays well, whereas he makes good money. He is still my best friend. Career. What’s chemistry anyway, other than a wild child’s ticket to a bad boy and heartache?! I am only communicating . Home alone with my sexy sister and exposing myself to her. No one can tell you what to do, unfortunately there is no easy answer, you have to decide if you can be fulfilled in this relationship. My dad wasn't abusive. I think people who think thats unrealistic obviously don't have very much self worth. I feel so much better now to be honest. I can tell you, my dead libido was all in my head, or related to not being attracted to my husband. I came across this thread looking for help. I feel like at this point, if he tried to be dominant in bed, it would just make me laugh. He tries to ‘teach’ me things all the time which drives me crazy. He didn't clean anything, do any laundry, bath the kids, drive them to sporting stuff, didn't go to their school functions. Paul’s comment above was interesting and somewhat confusing. Especially if I felt that my heart may not be into working on things with my husband. I feel like I owe it to his parents and even mine. He leaves for work 3 months at a time. She gets wet listening to my stories from those days…, Moe, Medical changes, hormonal? A disaster for us both. She next said that she thought I’d be better off alone. Once she has the answer to this question, if she feels that her desires and needs are as important as the needs of her family, and whether she wants to continue this marriage at all, then she should decide what action can come next. Try and figure out how you might make it very safe for her to have this experience with you. He is is a wonderful dad and great provider but this "safe choice" life is too difficult. Just getting her in safe dialog and starting very slowly might give her the courage to have the experience for real sometime in the future. Sex with each other, or other people, or no sex at all–these are all fine. But I couldn't tell you the last time I've felt attracted to him or wanted to have sex. I was no longer attracted to him, but it was for various reasons not even about sex. Oh man, that's a tough one! anyways, sorry about my venting being so long. I would give anything to have my life back. Only you can know for sure what to do and you are wisely taking the time to think before acting. I completely understand. I will tell you what my therapist told me (I went a couple of months ago by myself).. she suggested maybe taking a trial separation. I am torn too..leave my husband bff or divorce? That’s a wonderful feeling. I loved my hs/college boyfriend but he didn't want commitment (or me) so DH comes along and he's a nice guy. Took me forever to type this . I am not in the position to leave, but if I could, I would for sure. Dating a$$holes took such a toll on my emotional and physical well being, I developed a chronic, serious, autoimmune condition. Home. ), Vulva, Clitoris and Nipple Pump Photos (Explicit pics), The Most Relevant Seduction Tricks For 2021? When I found out the truth, he said it’s something he’d been doing his entire life, & he’d hoped no one would find out. I crave for my husband to see how much other men want and l*** to be with me. So I'm going to give it a few more weeks or so and then consider… taking a break or seeing if I am feeling in my heart that I want to start to try to work on things. I am not promoting this idea of yours nor am I suggesting that we rush into anything either way . Maybe it wasn’t right from the beginning but my heart told me otherwise. It’s so confusing, especially with kids and a life together and knowing your lifestyle is going to massively change financially if you leave. *Sigh*. The difference between a man who isn't attracted to his wife and a woman who isn't attracted to her husband is that she, if she chooses to, can still have intercourse. When I look back I feel like he maybe was never attracted to me. I love her very much but I would have no problem watching her pussy get fucked. I wank over it all the time . It’s absolutely terrifying after being with someone (and having that comfort) for so long. If it were me, I'd start there, before anything else. I know only yourself knows how you truly feel and what will truly make you happy and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I only wish we had been one of those couples who had the romance and attraction to begin with. we are a couple as well. We have 2 young kids n before getting pregnant with my second I decided I wanted a divorce- than found out I was pregnant the next day. I feel so horribly stupid. I don't know what we'll do together or talk about. I think taking some time figure things out is good. I wonder if you have ever thought anything of the same or similar ? Hope you get well. Well I finally ended things. Is he working too much? Fortunately not married, but huge commitment has been made in that i have emigrated with my daughter to be with my partner…who was an ex I always remained friendly with, relied on each other in times of need. Hopefully you can pin point those issues and work to counteract them. 7 send me a tx asking me to do something to you when I come to bed . I have since then checked out sexually. Different rules and homes. But I'm now realizing that being with someone who I'm excited to be with out and about is important to me. Sometimes it is related to medication, or hormonal imbalances, and sometimes it is because we've grown apart psychologically. My wife was game for it as long it was good looking guy. In her again ,maybe not right off but it would break up I am a middle aged female and I, too, was attracted to unattainable men my entire life. I'm lucky in that we haven't had any kids and I'm still in my early thirties. All we can think about is how much we can save by switching from one propane company to another, how do we stop our kids meltdown in the grocery store, and how can I sleep for 5 more minutes before I have to go start another stressful day at work. I didn't order one in between so we could order one together when he got there. That's it in a nutshell. I too sat down with my husband at the beginning of this year (about 8 months ago) and had a "real talk" about how i have struggled with being attracted to him/wanting a physical relationship with him. You made a lot of valid remarks, my only kickback is that marriage doesn’t have to turn stale, we should invest throwing coals on the fire to keep it alive, right? It was my love for him that pulled us through and kept us going. I feel EXACTLY the same way… Part of me is incredibly relieved to know I am not the only person/woman struggling with this. Although, the last few days I've seen the old grump come back out several times and it felt just like the old him. No one wants to be attached to a one dimensional character; especially when that one dimension is mostly wussy & boring. I imagine my wife feels bad because she isn't giving me what I need. Not sure how ok you were it but seemed ok following the few requests in the end for your fingers to be inside , pull and let me see in . Then she cheated on me. I'm changeable when it comes to turn-ons, and I go through phases where my husband's "look" (handsome as he is) just isn't what I want at that time. He's incredibly smart, funny and kind, and I've never been able to have conversations as good as the ones we're having with anyone else. He may not be your dream sex partner, but you have presented him as an ideal father. people need to marry for the right reasons. Just keeping it real. And I knew that deep down inside my psyche I had unresolved issues – or aftereffects – of the early abuse, and the damage to my “self” that had never been repaired. I do want them to know the togetherness and warmth of family and their traditions. My husband had gotten to know the brother and well, it happened. Yes, Rachel. Maybe if she gets a sense that i'm out with someone else or that someone else appreciates my efforts, love, and sex, maybe she'll value me again. I'm not in the same boat, but what I will tell you is what I ask myself when I wonder if I'm in the right marriage. The last thing he did from his death bed was to stiff me. I could never do that ” and I believe you 100%. But there are more kind and gentle ways of couples staying together, in many ways, for the kids that aren't connected to any christian ideology, or any ideology really. (You decide), "More Sex More Often" Keys to Seduction Revealed. Once I went off birth control I became less and less drawn to him. Because …, YOUR CURRENT MARRIAGE HAS THE BEST SURVIVAL CHANCES THAN YOUR NEXT ONE(s). We had date nights and were best friends. But you move to different phases. When children are involved…. I used to enjoy giving it, but as he has gotten so fat, he doesn't get himself very clean in that area. Wow. This killed all the fun for me. I simply cant stand him sometimes. Hi Confused, I still read the responses in this post so I thought I’d share what’s been going on for me lately. Sleeping with other people while having such conflicts definitely isn't going to help you. Then could possibly either make you appreciate what you have with your husband and realise most men are just horny selfish pr**ks; or you could fall in love with someone who may not feel the same; or become bitter and resentful towards all around you. Be warned though anger is a secondhand emotion. I woke up the next morning sore and confused. I have had years of therapy for past abuse and have no reason not to have a libido, being so passionate about health, I eat extremely well, am I am perusing my passions and keeping fit. Ending a marriage without giving counseling a chance is like sitting on a sinking ship whilst you stare a life raft. He doesn’t take charge of anything in life really; (least of all sex,) he’s content believing that he takes charge without actually doing so. Is there something wrong with me? My affair partner broke it off suddenly shortly after because he was overwhelmed at work and had no time for me, but it left me so devastated that I went into a depression, which tipped off my husband, which led to a confession, which led to a year's worth of counselling. I masturbated once in a while also. OMG This is me. Why Does My Husband Not Want To Make Love To Me? I've posted here a few months ago. What if ones husband forbids a divorce, citing the detriment it would have on the children? I’m exceedingly grateful I found this site. even though I know deep inside I need to. I am wondering if anyone is in the same situation may be able to give me some words of wisdom or put things into prospective for me from another angle. Sigh…. I am the luckiest man on the planet . If I'm meditating and consciously holding my tongue. Be sure to save this email somewhere safe . It makes no difference. It sounds like the only real problem is your sexual aversion to your husband. I feel so empowered and I'm really looking forward to moving on and dating again. It’s your idea, it’s your tennis game and the ball is in your court . I know it’s a far reaching thought process but it’s a thought process I wanted to share . Good luck! Safe for 17 years. He blamed this on stress and depression, but a year ago I found out it was due to the sex addiction.) Its maintaining healthy expectations, performing effective communication, and action. I’m so happy to hear that you feel you made the right decision! Also, I strongly recommend the work of Esther Perel. Well sorry but I think thats completely wrong! I'm not attracted to my husband either, but it's not that I'm frigid, it's because I need to feel an intimate connection first before wanting to have sex. because you have issues in bed, that’s why, you’re not an alpha male. Jack walked me back to our table and Tom invited him to sit down. Get helps He's almost perfect in every way except that my attraction to him is waning fast. My children are thriving!!! And I continued living this “lie” – was a real Jekyll and Hyde … until I met my wife – who had / has a heart of kindness I had never experienced before. Aside from the cheating, he isn’t a terrible person person & I know he cares for me. About halfway into our relationship we explored an open relationship and it worked for a few years. Dunno. I am imagining if this affair person would have lived in this country, I would have left my husband already, but because he is 24 hour flight away and I can’t take my child to another country (and will never do it even if I could because everyone need their daddy) this affair is likely to end up nowhere. Don’t do it. It is so so hard… because you want to "do the right thing" and not be shallow… but I will tell you if there is ANY doubt whatsoever, do not go through with it. Leaving would crush him. Sometimes, physical issues can cause a man not to want to have sex with his wife. I've got friends who identify as polyamorous and say that it's the best thing that ever happened for them. I struggled at first but finally found someone about 6 months ago. We stopped at 20/21 as she fell pregnant with her then boyfriend. Its been slightly eight years and its been great for all 3 of us. Am I emotionally blocking it or is it just gone? Today 40 years later Im married and my wife was a virgin. Put me over the edge . Not trying to frighten you here- but something to be mindful of. We have two children. I also realised that he was NEVER going to change and NEVER going to work on the marriage and with all the personal development I had done, I actually feel like I outgrew him in the end. I'm currently in a relationship with a boyfriend of almost 6 months and I can't get enough. I feel so guilty all the time. Things get really hard as one reaches their 60s. Whoa….wow…what about open marriage. Over an hr and has slowed me down on forward progress with the homework but thankful inside to have shared my thoughts, concerns and comments on this off the wall thinking of yours . He is also not the LEAST bit handy…can’t boil water (cook) or fix a thing. We have skinny dipped in our pool and we know our male neighbors have seen us naked. Never wanted to go away with dh though. He kept interrupting me to ask me where stuff goes. But over time his mannerisms and lack of cleanliness has really got to me. Tom is still turned on for weeks afterwards and our marriage is stronger than ever. I’m a man and I agree and I also enjoy the thought of the wife having sex with a black guy I know that's why I stepped over the line and cheated. I was depressed and living a joyless life at a certain point, and my lackluster relationship was a symptom, not the root cause of the unhappiness I felt. Erotic Couplings 12/02/20: Forgot about Pest Control (3.71) Fantastic sex with the bug guy then my husband. I feel like all i so is clean up after him. I just don’t know if it’s with me. Susan. I think its just a matter of "when" now, rather than "what". I just no longer believe it can be fixed. What scares you the most?” who runs this website and feels thats a good goal to instruct men. 10 , send me a tx during the day telling me something hot . It’s just as erotic to imagine her giving him pleasure. It's amazing that so many wives are feeling this way. 6 ask me to go strap him on BC you want it . There’s a world of exciting sexuality you can explore together. I don’t have an answer to this. It’s gotten to the point to where I cant stand his smell, I don’t like kissing him, I don’t want him touching me. We share a lot of the same goals. I still love my husband dearly and I wish it had worked out between us. He sat in his chair and watched TV all the time. I grew up thinking it was normal for mothers and daughters to compare notes and complain about the husband/father of the family almost like it was an inside joke how inept and obnoxious he was. That’s a dream many men’s dream including mine,,, I feel like a brat for even complaining bc im not being cheated on or beated on…. I agree in that i too feel I'm being unfair and been unable to give him the love/affection he truly deserves. I wish someone would just tell me what to do!! Yep… I think that's how it starts for many. So I just don't know what to do. He is the best person I can imagine too. People change! But, after a lot of soul searching, working on developing my intuition and meditating for clarity; I realise it’s not going to get better, just worse. After the accident and I was mentally able to speak his name days later, my husband confessed that seeing me with this guy at the car lot that day made him decide that he finally wanted to work on our marriage. But although he initially agreed to this, he has since back-tracked, and decided that he is not ready to have this sort of agreement, and he is not willing to continue the conversation because he is not ready to have that conversation yet. Just not in love with him and have sexual feelings of attraction towards him. There are many opportunities in life to find excitement, but only very few that make you happy in the long run. We have to work at our sexual chemistry, but the emotional intimacy thing is still there. I'm you, fast forward 10 years. I didn't get any. I feel like I’m sitting on the edge of the cliff and just cannot jump…. I don't want him to touch me (even innocently), kiss him, we haven't had sex in 2 years and I have desire to do so, etc. Like most couples our marital sex life slowed way down after that. I love you with all my heart and I hope nothing I have said or shared here hurt you in any way whatsoever . True that women are wired differently than men, but in the long run, it dosen’t really make any difference. Very quickly, I knew we were not compatible. I fantasize of us being together now all the time. I am so glad that I am not alone. But will you indulge me in the fantasy of completely fulfilling you with the help of a sexy friend? I just don't know what to do? I m Mona, I want my husband to see him really give it too me. I have enjoyed my wife being with other men. People is people and every one is different from every other, and there are as many different kinds of relationships as there are people. For all of us, it was very up lifting and good for our marriages. I'm a pretty good looking guy, in pretty good shape, and i get looks from women. Divorce without kids is usually just a simple splitting up of property. The result after was my husband seemed uncomfortable, he would not talk about it for months. However, I got a wondering eye….started crushing on various men. I know now that getting married was a mistake but at the time it did feel right…sort of. MY STORY…. Could any of what he is doing make me develop a physical attraction to him again? Does that mean he doesn’t love me because he like me to be with other men? Hmmm, I'm in a similar situation but without kids or owning anything. I hope that helps some! Literally pretended like it didn’t happen and had no clue about it’s emotional impact..totally repressed it. When we go away together (which is only every few months) We often end up having sex 2-3 times a day. He is and always has been my partner and friend before we added the benefits. He picked me up and carried me to bed and we made love. For now. I've been in individual therapy twice, but for different reasons (anxiety mostly). Don’t complicate it looking for answers that aren’t there <3. This time I know exactly what I want and what I can't deal with so I won't be making the same mistake of getting into another relationship with an amazing guy that isn't extremely sexually appealing in the beginning. I keep coming back to divorce but I can't see how it would work. My wife of 16 years is hot at only 36. 2 – His sexual drive will depend on this, so you’ll end being a slut for all your remaining life. He's forcing you to make the decisions, and he's being fucking agreeable and reasonable too. And I love his companionship. Let him get his u get urs. Reading ALL of the comments has helped and confused me all at the same time. To explore the possibilities get a free profile on SwingLifeStyle.com for meeting a lot of next door neighbor type couples and singles. I dropped down and put it in my mouth and suckled on it. comment me back if any of this works for you! By your own admission, your husband is perfect in every way and he is your best friend and co-parents. Im a black male and most men in my culture would not admit to this they stuck on the porn industry of being the “Bull”. Its interesting to read all your threads & to get an insight on how my life could be..i’m 30 years of age. We where kissing and he was pulling at my clothes. Like I said before, we only get one short life on this earth so let go of things that are hurting your soul and spirit, do what makes you happy, follow your instincts and don't be scared to jump off the deep end into the unknown. I fell in love with my husband fast when we met especially when i saw how fast he formed a wonderful relationship with my kids like they were his own. We never had too much sexual attraction to begin with, and even acknowledged this at the beginning of our relationship, but back then I was on hormonal birth control, so my sex drive wasn't that big anyway and neither him nor me seemed to mind much. Perhaps it’s the taboo of it all. We stayed in touch sporadically, long distance and as we are great friends, and both attractive, I start to wonder whether maybe it was immaturity on my part why we broke up. I feel as though I have to decide if my heart is in even trying to take our relationship from that of a "friendship- based marriage" to something more connected and real. It certainly helps me, as I feel so alone in this sometimes…like I’m going crazy at times also. I have been married almost 20 years and have one 11-year old son. He has a terrible odor and I gag from the smell. I have never had this with my husband, possibly because we grew up in the same circles and he was my friend for several years before he asked me out (while I went through a string of abusive, drug-addicted, or in one memorable case gay (but deeply angsty back then before he figured it out) boyfriends.) Your back can be touched without getting intimate but not your thighs. My husband, crazy as he is, says he is happy and doesn't want to separate or divorce. Taking care of yourself to some capacity is a must. I'll always be just a chat away. Why? I don't know, but I don't really feel like I did anything wrong. I love you way too much to ever think or know that what you are tring to do for us is actually hurting you inside . My husband is very nice looking but has just not really watched his weight as well since we got married a decade ago… and try as I might.. nothing really works or motivates him. no….. Says volumes for how much you love me to be honest . Wow. Working full time (teachers work more than 8 hours a day), cleaning, and taking care of the kids 100%. I've decided to stick it out and do what it takes to work on things. I fear that if I leave him I might be happy for a little while bit will find myself in the same situation with someone else but I’ll be broker and my child won’t have two parents. ANY advice would be greatly appreciated and I am honestly in need of help. It's a horrible situation but all we can do is be as honest with them as possible and see what happens.